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5 Tips on Self Help Marriage Counseling

Posted by MyMy on February 5, 2011 in Family, Home, Marrige, Relationship with No Comments


marriage love familyWe are in the age of information where you can access everything and where you can find out how you can repair almost anything, from furniture to marriages. So, in case you are seeking self help marriage counseling, here are some pointers which you might want to take into consideration.

1. Consider Help

If you think that you solve your marriage problems with the help of the internet and self help marriage counseling you should consider incorporating tools and techniques from professionals. If you have more information you will be able to analyze properly the situation and actually choose from more choices and discover what does not work in your relationship.

2. About your friends

Be careful in who you confide your problems. Even if you have a really close friend in which you confide, be careful not to burden them with your problems. If you do that, he/she in turn will turn to another person to confide in them. The last thing you want to happen when you are having marriage problems is for rumors after rumors to appear.

3. Don't project

When you are searching for help to your marriage problems, you should be careful not to project onto your partner. When we are facing problems in a relationship, we tend to think about our past problems and insecurities in a relationship. The answer is not to project, but actually to discover what is the actual problem. How can you accomplish this?

4. Communication is Key

Communication is the key to any marriage and is actually vital in self help marriage counseling. In fact, the greatest problem in any relationship is the lack of communicating. This is the only way to know the person and to understand them and to know what they are thinking, to ask them. Try not to practice mind reading. It might have destructive results.

Just like it happens in projecting, you might see something and make conclusions only on what you saw, based on your fear and anxiety or low self esteem. When you judge a person without knowing all the facts, you are most likely to make mistakes and they are hard to undo.

5. Is it productive?

Most people, who are seeking marriage counseling, actually do not want to admit that their marriage isn’t working. Some marriages can be saved, some cannot.

Make an inquisition on your marriage. Are you happy with your spouse, do you feel happy together, do you have things in common? You might have grown apart and before jumping into a self help marriage counseling you should analyze how you feel and how is your relation with your spouse.

Take a piece of paper and do the time tested Ben Franklin. Draw a line in the middle on the paper and on one side write down all the positive aspects of your marriage and on the other all the negative ones. When you have finished this, next to each topic, write down a feeling. For example, you have “worked over hours for the past three months” on the list. How does this make you feel? Are you indifferent, sad, angry or feel neglected?

The most important thing of a healthy relationship is how you feel when you are with your partner. The list will help you see if that person treats you like a valuable and irreplaceable treasure or not.

Relationships and are complicated and marriages even more. But it’s when we forget about the other person that problems arise. If we begin to take their feelings for granted we will make them feel like an object and not like a treasured companion.

When we have so much information available at just one click away, you might feel you can resolve anything with the help of the internet, even self help marriage counseling.

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